thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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