when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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