Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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