The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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