Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
