I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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