turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
