i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
