I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
