My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
