So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
