That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
