So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
