its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
