And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
