i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
