I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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