You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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