that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
