i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
