Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
