I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
