If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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