her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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