The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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