we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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