i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
