I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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