If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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