My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
