she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
