I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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