Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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