He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
