I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
