There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
