I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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