please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
