yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
