Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
