i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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