Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
