so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
