I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
