so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
