had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
