is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
