you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
