everyone is single if you try hard enough
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Randomize
