just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
