guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
