My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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