I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
vagina is talking i cant
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
