Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
