I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
