I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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