I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
